Darkness of Depression

Darkness of Depression

      Now allot of people deal with depression but people that don't have a hard time understanding it. I suffer it for two reasons

1: I have dealt with depression my whole life.

2: Chronic pain triggers episodes.

      How do I battle it. Well i try to keep busy with ideas and thoughts. I study things like changes in transportation. I read up on what is new in the RC crawling world, and the off-road world. I keep my kids on task and try to keep a house in order. Finally I play Games. about 3-4 hours most days not everyday, but most days. For me it is the most therapeutic for others it is a waste of time. I enjoy friendships I have. They are busy with their personal lives and work that i don't see them as often as I would care for. 

At times I feel alone in a house full of people. It isn't any one's fault it is a chemical balance problem. I eat very irregular but still gain weight. 

       I try very hard to lose the weight, but when it causes you pain to go for walks and such the motivation is just not there. Now i am hoping to get back on Some medication soon and I will be back in my lab with music going and building something. I love to work with my hands. I have always loved working with my hands. 

      By far the greatest things I have done has been with my hands, Just ask my wife. I am not the smartest man out there but I am no idiot and resent the fact that some people think that is the case since I stay at home. That is not the case I love to learn. I love to ask questions and learn about many different things. My experience in life has greatly helped my knowledge base. I know more then I let on.

       Yes I ramble. But I think outside the box and I am not afraid to say how I feel at the moment. It has caused a few ripples in my life, but no regrets. 

Thank you for reading 

Mr. Crossrds.

Today

Today (Fifteen Years ago) I Married My Best Friend

I married a woman that was everything I never knew I wanted. This dear woman has been through hell and always stayed by my side. Mrs Crossrds and I have been through many thing in the last fifteen years. The year was 1998 in an fall setting. The day was a beautiful day. I remember our friends and family there. Even an upset father-in-law. We got married on opening day of the deer hunt. I remember looking across the alter at a bride that will make me a great man. 

         We are live in Ephraim, Utah. My wife goes to school full-time at Snow College, works for a home health firm. I stay at home and try to take care of the house and children. Fifteen years ago I was working and My wife was working. When she got pregnant with our first child, We made the decision that I would work and bring home the bacon, she would take care of raising the kids. Now fifteen years later our roles have changed and I stay at home and try to take care of things. Very hard not to wonder if we had let the stress of chronic pain drive us apart. It almost happened in the early years of this. We stuck together! Marriage is very hard work it isn't for the faint of heart. Most of my friends have been through at least one divorce. I am glad that I haven't been through that. We have been through enough shit we don't need to pile on more.

         My love is eternal. She is my everything, Makes me want to be better. I try very hard to do everything and help her get through studies. I am not the best husband but I try. I have a mouth that can shame a sailor (thanks Grandma W). I love you so much wife. you make me whole. I think of you as my super hero. I know you want to give me everything. Hunny you have.

Thank You For reading

Mr. Crossrds.

A wedding shared by all

A Wedding Shared By All

Yesterday I attended a wedding reception for one of my best friends. I am not a guy that loves the fact that they have a famous name and are pretty famous in their own right. I love them and expect nothing in return. Now don't get me wrong I love going to concerts, Helping with the charity. I would lay down on a knife to make them happy, and to help them succeed in their endeavours. 

The wedding reception was great was able to visit with old friends and to meet some new one's. I am really blessed to have the family in my life. I have connected with each of them that live near me. To them I am a Rock star. For me this is a friendship with no expectations on either side. We work together to garner our friendship with pure love. I love hearing stories of their youth, growing up in the sidelight of fame.

Not too many things put a pressure on me to be a better person.(besides my Wife).

Watching a friend marry his best friend for all time and eternity. I was feeling the pain early in the evening and could not stay for long. The drive was about 2 hours and it was rough on me physically, but worth every minute of pain I feel. I got to meet his best friend and can't wait for time to become friends with both of them.

I am glad to have a friendship that helps both of us grow and I hope that is what I am doing. I love you all that read my blog. You make me to be a better man.

Thank you for reading

Mr. Crossrds

Today is the New beginning

Today is the New Beginning.

We wake everyday to a new day. The world hasn't been taken over by zombies or the undead roaming the earth. I wake up every morning with a hangover, not knowing if I will be able to do the chores I need to get done. I wake to an existence that is dire in most cases. I have four children to take care of. We live in a meager salary and wait like rabid dogs for the next check. Now I am on SSDI and it is used in allot of political games. It puts undo stress on our lives not knowing if we will get a check next month. Why is it that the President of the United States use it to get their way. For me stress equals more pain. That can equal seizures. So Mister President why cause undo pain to those that need your assistance the most. Congress why are you doing the same. Come to the table and make things work. Negotiating equals both sides feeling screwed.

You know I try not to get to political in my blog but it is today. I am calling all my friends and family to copy and paste this and post on their wall and send to their respected congressmen or woman. This doesn't hurt them they get a paycheck. This Shutdown is nothing more then a pissing contest. The Republicans and Democrats have ruined what was a great country. We have become equal among other nations, we are no longer a power that is looked to for guidance. We have fought wars for corporate riches. The great evil of money is what rules in DC. Nothing more nothing less, If you have money you can be part of the system. You can have riches beyond your dreams. You just need to lay down and let things become a greater nation. That is all Bullshit. They want a larger central government and smaller state rights. They are starting with Bailout to states then cities. We bail you out you now fall in line. I am saying that we need a Third party to rise up and take the Raine's. Now here is an idea DO NOT VOTE FOR INCUMBENT! Fire everyone that is coming up for election in 2014. they haven't done the job they were hired to do. Fire them. If the new guy is Dem, Or Rep. it doesn't matter. it just shows that WE are tired of your bull and you are fired.

Thanks for reading

Mr. Crossrds

A weekend Of Love and Family

A Weekend of Love and Family

This weekend was General Conference for the Latter-Day Saints. I had the pleasure of taking my son to Priesthood session. This was his first time to here messages from the Leaders of the LDS church. My Father and Father-n-Law attended with us. I got a dizzy spell while waiting in line outside. My Father gave me his cane and the Ushers saw my distress and got a wheelchair for me. They got us into a great spot on the main floor. We listened to the wonderful talks, My son stayed awake and took in what it truly was to be a priesthood holder.

Now we spent sometime listening to the words that instruct us to take our gift far more serious then we might. They also talked about the Darkness of Depression and Mental illnesses. I suffer from depression bouts that I try to fight, Sometimes I win sometimes I don't. My son has always sticks by my side even when I am harsher with hid discipline then my daughters.

My son,(middle)My Father,(left),My Father-N-Law(right)

Me and My son.

Now I am in bed dealing with a migraine. It is really worth the pain to enjoy the small moments I have left.

Thank you 

Mr. Crossrds

Handling your responsibilities

Handling your responsibilities

        So I am a Man, I am a Husband, I am a father, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. What are my responsibilities from those jobs. 

        1: I am a Man. What does that mean? To me it means that I have a responsibility to take care of those that have been put in my charge. Whether they are my children or children put in my care by my job or Calling in the Church. Now I have taken care of my children I have a fierce hand and strict rules for upbringing them. They follow my rules and they find freedom in life. They are rewarded for hard working.

       2: I am a Husband. What is it to be a husband. For me it is the greatest of challenges in my life. It is hard work, It is frustrating, It is very mind-blowing difficulty. It is also the greatest of all rewards in this life and the next. That is why I believe that marriage should be taken seriously by the two partners. You cannot get married just to have sex (very common in Utah) By basing your marriage on sex you have a weak foundation. You marry your best friend and base your love on your friendship will give you a marriage that is strong and can handle anything thrown at it.

       3: I am a father. Being a father means I have great responsibility to raise my child to be productive in any society. To raise my child to believe in Christ our Lord. To keep the Holy Ghost in my household. I make my house a place of serenity of a crazy world. My kids are safe in my home, and as their father I will make their home safe. They learn to get along with each other. They stand by each other outside of this home. They fight within these walls only to stand by each other as a power greater then anything out in the world. That is what a Father does. Many of men can become a DAD but it take a true MAN to be a FATHER.

       4: I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Now to be a Member of the LDS church does not take much effort to become one. It does take plenty of effort to become a member that believes what has been taught by the leaders and teachers on every Sunday. I do Believe in the lessons that are taught. Now not to say that their are people that read between the lines so that it benefits them. That is what is wrong with most large organisations of this world.

        One this weekend the LDS members gather around the world to here our Prophet speak just like times of old. Now they can watch on TV the days wise words are now live. It is a great day in modern life to here words inspired by Jesus Christ and Our Heavenly Father. He leads my everyday life. I do need to thank him more often and need to be on my knees praising him and loving his words of wisdom.

Thank You for reading

Mr. Crossrds

Mormon Faith and the Priesthood

Mormon Faith and the Priesthood

             Yesterday I was excited and told friends that I was taking my twelve year old son to the Priesthood Session on Saturday evening. He replied "what?" Really I had no answer. So i started to think this morning that this should be a good subject for me today.

              So I went to Mormon.org to get answers:

        The priesthood is the authority to act in God’s name. The same priesthood authority that existed in the original Church established by Jesus Christ exists in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints today. The Church is directed and led through this authority.

All male members of the Church who are prepared receive the priesthood in order to help lead the Church and serve Heavenly Father’s children. A man with the priesthood might serve in some of the following ways:

• Leading congregations of the Church
• Performing the ordinances of the Church, such as baptism
• Blessing those who are sick

God expects those who hold this sacred priesthood authority to follow the example of Jesus Christ and serve with love, gentleness, and kindness.

               

                 So that is what it says on Mormon.org. Now what does it mean to me? I have had the gift since I was twelve. That will be twenty-six years my last birthday. I use the Priesthood to direct my life. I teach my son how to use it, I teach my Daughters that they should marry worthy men with the Priesthood. Now am I holding my gift over my wife? Am I treating her like a second class citizen? I don't think so I believe that a woman can use the Priesthood through her Worthy Husband to create a safe environment for their family.

                 “The men hold the priesthood, yes. But my wife is my companion. In this Church the man neither walks ahead of his wife nor behind his wife but at her side. They are co-equals in this life in a great enterprise.” - Gordon B. Hinckley

                  That is what I believe also. I believe that a man and woman married are a team. LDS members believe in eternal marriages. When we are married for time and eternity our lives are long and for all time. One day I will be able to see the beginning and the end of my life and will hug my dear Lord as he has taking a sinner and forgave him. My family is my first Love only second to my love for Christ. I have lived to make Christ and I feel that we together have raised up against the demons that follow us and struck them down. I will fight for my children to join me in the eternities. After I leave this earth and people shed a tear for me. I will rise with the Lord on the Second coming to teach all those who willing to learn. I believe that I am a child of God, I have the same Priesthood as Christ and his apostles. I will teach any who asks. I believe in Modern Day Prophets as time of the bible. I do not think that God or his Son would leave us long with out guidance and inspiration to lead a young man to get on his knees and ask Heavenly Father what church is true. The time was right in the middle of HUGE expansions and break offs of many churches in the "new World" and over in the "old World". I am Grady Lundeen and I have a very different outlook on life then many. I see time as a fleeting pass. I can see a future of unrest and war. I see that when I am old and on my bed I will pass and wait for my companion to return to my side. I see my life as a short moment in time. I can tell you with conviction in my heart that A church is just a building with out the priesthood as laid down my Jesus Christ. You have come to a blog post of my beliefs. I am told that I need to accept you because you like the same sex, Are different color, or a different religion. 

                This coming weekend The LDS people will have their annual Conference were we will get instruction from our leaders for our everyday life. Outside the building their will be people protesting and screaming at us that we do not believe in Christ. I can tell you that we Believe in Christ, In the Bible, and The Book Of Mormon as words of God through his Prophets. All I ask who read this is to think and ask a member of the LDS faith as to what they believe. We are not alone in our beliefs but treated as we are.

Thank you For Reading

Mr. Crossrds

Welcome to Moab, Utah.36

Welcome to Moab, Utah

We set up camp at Ken's Lake, Which is about 10 miles south of town. Great camping area for dry camping.

 Had a very enjoyable time meeting new people and enjoying some trail riding, Now for people that see all the crazy rigs on TV and YouTube. You do not need a very extreme vehicle. The biggest tire size we had was 35 inch. Most guys running 32 or less. There is plenty of things to do with a stock jeep, VS 100,000 $ Jeep. So you can come with a very capable stock Wrangler and have plenty to do.

 More Base camp time.

 Newspaper rock

 Newspaper Rock

 Top of elephant hill

Getting ready to head down the backside.

Just look at the marker time to go DOWN!!

 Look at that country, Can't beat Utah

Blue Sky. Lovely day

 More Country

 Tight quarters

 You can't hike this.

 Moab, Utah brings even guys from Delaware.

 Some Hand prints

 The most fun at 1 mph you will ever have.

Time to head on back

Oops trail side repair.

 At the base of elephant hill airing up.

 Cowboy/Rustler hangout?

 Uranium Arch

 How can you not love this?

 A little obstacle One JK up.

 Number 2 a TJ up

 Time for a group picture

 There all the Jeeps, A Older YJ, 2 Cherokees, a JK, and 2 TJ's

Some Wipe out hill

Another one down.

There you go my trip to Moab 2 days of trail Riding now Pay for it with 2 days in bed. So worth any amount of pain. this was awesome. Thank you to all the guys for making me feel like one of them.
Thank you for reading Mr. Crossrds