Darkness of Depression

Darkness of Depression

      Now allot of people deal with depression but people that don't have a hard time understanding it. I suffer it for two reasons

1: I have dealt with depression my whole life.

2: Chronic pain triggers episodes.

      How do I battle it. Well i try to keep busy with ideas and thoughts. I study things like changes in transportation. I read up on what is new in the RC crawling world, and the off-road world. I keep my kids on task and try to keep a house in order. Finally I play Games. about 3-4 hours most days not everyday, but most days. For me it is the most therapeutic for others it is a waste of time. I enjoy friendships I have. They are busy with their personal lives and work that i don't see them as often as I would care for. 

At times I feel alone in a house full of people. It isn't any one's fault it is a chemical balance problem. I eat very irregular but still gain weight. 

       I try very hard to lose the weight, but when it causes you pain to go for walks and such the motivation is just not there. Now i am hoping to get back on Some medication soon and I will be back in my lab with music going and building something. I love to work with my hands. I have always loved working with my hands. 

      By far the greatest things I have done has been with my hands, Just ask my wife. I am not the smartest man out there but I am no idiot and resent the fact that some people think that is the case since I stay at home. That is not the case I love to learn. I love to ask questions and learn about many different things. My experience in life has greatly helped my knowledge base. I know more then I let on.

       Yes I ramble. But I think outside the box and I am not afraid to say how I feel at the moment. It has caused a few ripples in my life, but no regrets. 

Thank you for reading 

Mr. Crossrds.