What are my passions?

What are My Passions?

          Well I have five passions, My Beliefs, My Family, Radio controlled vehicles, Trucking, Gaming.

Those things I am passionate about, First two our number one. The Trucking Industry in a whole has fallen into a dark stereotypical hole. Trucking is very vital to our Nations economy, but because of preconceived notions from the public. People are easy to point the fingering the big Trucks as the problem, not the solution. How do we (drivers) solve this? Well for one when you are in the Public (i.e. Traffic, Warehouses, Truck stops). You need to find a clean look when you go into these places. Be polite in traffic, we all know the cars are going to whip around us and get in front of us, so no reason to blow the horn and the finger. I know we all have done it. We can not change them, but we can change us.

           I would also say that the trucking company needs to look at drivers different then drivers. Companies like Swift, Crete, U.S. Xpress, Cr England. All treat drivers as a dime a dozen. Instead they should be treating drivers as and asset instead of expense. These drivers are sometimes the only person that sees your customer. All truck companies pay by the mile. That is how they make the money. In the old days when Independents ruled the road, they payed a percentage of the load. Now I want to throw out another idea. Let's pay drivers a salary. No more load pay, no more detention pay, and raises will be based on complaints from customers and dispatchers. Now this will give you a better driver, He is not stressing out and yelling at the dispatcher because he hasn't moved in a few days. He is being paid to be you salesman, your advertising, your ambassador to your customers. Time to pay for his time away from the family. His HOS rules are getting tighter and tighter. A salaried driver will be more grateful to take that last minute load. He will be more willing to stop and shower. Driver will be more polite to customers and they will be far happier with the end result. Also the companies will have a predictable payroll. 

           Now these are just my ideas I have allot of them that will help the trucking industry being the monsters that John Q Public sees on the news. Let's get some companies to be out in the public making charities work. Helping the Charities give smiles to children all over the world.

Thank you Drivers for all you do.

Mr. Crossrds

My Son

My Son-

       I only have one son. I have three wonderful daughter, but only one son. What is the great thing about a son? He is my light, He is special to me. Nothing beats a SON. Now don't get me wrong, I love my daughters and my son the same. I can't rough-house with them as I can with my son. He can mow the lawn, he is great he does allot to help me out when I am not feeling well.

       Love playing games with him, I love him growing up with me around. Teaching him things like, How to work, How to treat a woman. How to protect his family. I believe I am doing something right. He can trash talk like the greats. The day I pass and leave this earth will be a sad day. I will miss his warm smile, his fist bumps, the screaming. everything that makes this family a family. The screaming, the yelling. That is what makes us, us. We are a family and make things work. we fight and get mad at each other. We yell make it seem all dysfunctional, We are Family. 

       I believe that we should all stick together and make things happen. If you are a friend then you are my family. I have a big heart. I have love for all. Please just let me know you love me back.

Thank you

Mr. Crossrds

Looking at our Yard

Looking at our Yard

          Time to pull out my string and stakes. Time to layout projects for winter and Spring next year. with about an acre of land to do what I want with. allot has to be done.... I am thinking of putting up a roll up door on shed out back, Or find Metal door, Maybe some Barn doors. So many possibilities. When kids get bricks all lined up and stacked, can start tearing the yard apart.

           May need to look at what is needed and how to accommodate that. It will be a long process. I will be hoping for some help from Neighbors. I will strive to get the best Yard in the Neighborhood. Probably do allot of Gravel and such. Keep it Water friendly but Nice looking.

Second day same Blog.

            Now why am I writing on the second day. Getting ready for a trip to Moab this weekend. Now this I am excited for. My friend is taking me for a weekend trip of male bonding and gas powered fun. I am sure we will be hitting some of the great trails that Moab, Utah has to offer.

            I am excited more then can be expressed. If you know me I don't get out on trips much, Money housing duties. and such keep me in the house. I am not feeling well today so I am hoping I will get better, whether I am or not I will be going to MOAB. So excited. ready to hit some trails.

Thank you all

Mr. Crossrds

Pain

Pain is the word of today.

         How does one deal with crippling pain? How does one determine if it is just in their head or if it is real? Well for me my pain is in the head. I am in the process of a multi-day migraine. It causes nausea, blurred vision, and pulsating in my head. I watch Netflix to keep sound in my ears. Now i have been suffering from constant headaches and migraines since May 2007. Nothing more nothing less. I work hard to just be on a level to play with my children. My pain starts as a Headache, then stretches and grows greater and greater until I am bed for a few days.

         If you have been reading my posts then you know I try not to bitch too much about it. My wife helps me caring my burden. I am going to tell you that I would trade any one's worst day at work for a day like today. 

         I am not lazy. My father taught me how to work and how to do things. I am teaching that to my children. Now I know I am far harder on the physical work on my son versus my daughters. I expect more from him. I know that might be wrong in today's world of equality, but a boy must know how to handle his stuff. Too many boys are becoming entitled little boys and girls that believe they are owed anything. I am sorry as you become adults you are not owed anything. You owe your parents for all the times they wanted to smother you with a pillow and didn't for all the money that the spent happily to raise you. That is how it works. I owe my parents for being my parents. Plain and simple. When they get to the point that they need to be taken care of then all my sibling and I will fight who helps. I am sure we all will chip in to take care of aging parents. 

         I owe my parents as they had the means to help us as i suffered in the pain.

Thank you for reading 

Mr. Crossrds 

Two in a day

Two in a Day.

    Not many times do I write to entries in a day. Today I am laid up in bed. About two this afternoon I started to feel sick to my stomach and weak. Some symptoms of a huge multi-day migraine is coming. Not a fun experience to have or be around during this time. I try to keep my time in the dark and laying down. I listen to music as it drowns out the Heartbeat and Ringing in my ears. I try to sleep as much as possible on a weekend when all the kids are home.

     Now during this time I try to draw and keep my mind busy. Hence the second post. Sometimes when this goes beyond the normal days I get depressed with myself. Now I really try not to and sometimes a trip outside will help me.

      

     Now everyone DO NOT feel bad for me. I manage to get through it. I have a wonderful Partner that helps me to shower and get to the restroom. You see these migraine's Eff with my legs and balance as well. It is what it is. I could bitch all I wanted too, but that wouldn't change anything. I will still get Migraines and will still be poor. As a family we are working on getting to a better situation with our lives. We will get there and when we do our true friends will be blessed.

Love you all and thank you for reading

Mr. Crossrds

Friendships

Friendships

          Friendship what does that word mean?

According to free dictionary.com

friend•ship (ˈfrɛnd ʃɪp) n.

1. the state of being a friend; association as friends: to value a person's friendship.

2. a friendly relation or intimacy.

3. friendly feeling or disposition.

      Now what does it mean? For me it is the second line. I take friendships very serious. I believe that friendships is what holds families together. When you marry your best friend you have a greater understanding of intimacy with your partner. Now you can be intimate without it being sexual (ask any married man).

A friendship is a deep understanding between two beings. Now I have many friends on Facebook. Something like 400 plus. WooHoo I am so popular. I don't think you can get an intimate understanding online. You can not get an deep understanding, Have you ever shaken a mans hand and felt there energy? That my friends is a man that holds a complete understanding of friendship and love unto one another.

       Man I can go on and on about a friendship, I am going to say that when I call someone friend, I mean it with all my heart. I will do anything to help within my powers and what my body and financial can lend to helping one another. I do what I can too help. Be warned if you betray my friendship in anyway or form I will no longer cherish that friendship.

       

       That is my warning on friendship. If you are reading this you are my friend and I cherish each of your friendships.

Thank you for reading

Mr. Crossrds

Do you have what it takes to be You?

Do you have what it takes to be YOU?

      I asked that on Facebook the other day. It got a allot of like and I think people started to think about that question. Well I am going to reach down into my soul and ask myself that question. I think the answer is Maybe. How can I say maybe? Well I am a fragile human being on this earth. I will admit that I look to a few people and wonder "do they still like me?" I am not afraid of much in this mortal life I exist in. I can walk most heights, I can drive anything and everything if ask too, I can do anything that my mind think I can. I am confident in everything. I know more then I let on I know. I can tackle most things with a little work on my end. I enjoy building things and working with my hands. Why then do I hold back?

       Well I will tell you I hold back because people get offended by some words that come out of my mouth. I embarrass my children on a constant basis. I am a parent after all. I have voices in my head that tend to exaggerate the possibilities. I love myself and am willing to do what it takes to make things happen. I can negotiate everything. I remember skills I learned years ago. Being me also means a hard look at service. I love service and enjoyed it when I was able to serve other people. When I started having these migraines on almost daily basis I had to swallow allot of pride and allow people to serve  me. I know allot of people that get to that point is a hard transition. I am still having a hard time with my struggles of not being my "old" self.

        No one expects to be 32 and being told that you are going to live with migraines fro the rest of your life. A very sobering and humbling experience this has been. I still have a long way to go, but we see the light at the end of the tunnel. My wife is in the last year of school. she will work for a year or two before so goes after her BSN. she has been in school five years this next January. 

        Now I have always want a custom truck. Mostly a Dodge Ram Diesel that could pull a house. I have always wanted one. I still want one, Not much in life that will make that dream come true. I have to expect the reality of it that Kids will come first and so I will need a big Mormon hauler. I love my suburban, Maybe I am just selfish and want what I want. I don't know and I try not to answer. Maybe I can get into a K5 Blazer and fix it up for my hunting four-wheeling trips. Some days I wish a friend would say "hey I did a fundraiser for you and your family, Here ENJOY!" reality is that will never happen. I will go through life in the middle. not well known or like maybe. So what does it take to be me? Being Honest to all including myself is right up there near the top.

Thank you for reading

Mr. Crossrds

What make me me?

        I was asked that question a few days ago. I didn't have an answer right away. I was speechless, So I started to think of the things that have made me. The rumors in high school, that I just let lie? The childhood of a middle income family? The mistakes I have made? My good choices I have made? My eternal family? My friends? My own rules? 

        The rumors in High School, That I just let Lie?

              let's start here. My family and I moved to Corcoran in summer of 89. Now I was alone in starting high school that year, I was 14. I played football and enjoyed it. I hung out with guys from Freshman team to Varsity (seniors). I was chilling, all the chicks loving me because I was so cute, Hell Yeah I was. Never full of myself I was just confident in me that was all. I was going to my church activities. I was doing what I thought was right. Then the rumors started to fly. I was a pothead, I was a big smoker, tried it a few times never care for it. I was a sex addict and a huge WHORE. Well I will put this down. Never tried pot, was around people who did, but they never forced me to try it. I smoked a few times in my junior and senior year. Now the sleeping around, nope not true. So as I sit down and reflect my teen years I realize i was nothing but a young man trying to find my way. I spent my Senior year in Coalinga. Another CHS I lived with a family that I listened too. I was eighteen and I had to make choices. I made them as best as I could. If I ever did you wrong then I am sorry. Coalinga was a life changer, My Father told me "I would rather lose one son then my whole Family" Those words still ring in my ears. I never thought I would be out of the house at eighteen and my senior year of school. Never in my mind did I think I would be lost. Well Lucky me I had a Re-do. Now I spent my senior year with friends nothing more nothing less. I enjoyed Coalinga. I graduated in 1994 from there. I didn't go to the senior end of year party. I packed up and went home with my Mother and Father in Corcoran. I was living the dream. My older brother came home from his mission soon after and we started COS in Visalia. I thought I had everything right. Was dating like a mad man. Not finding anything until later. So to tell you rumors where rumors nothing more. Lesson learned? To be myself in all things. What people say about you is WRONG!

       The Childhood of a middle income family?

               Nah I never knew we didn't have money struggles. I figured my parents knew how too make it and I knew I could spend it. Not all the time but when I got a chance to be me. It was a Blast. Going to Dodger games with my best friend growing up. I never knew what middle income was. What did I learn from my childhood, That friends like money can change in a instance.

       The mistakes I have Made?

               I have made some great ones! The biggest one letting people believe rumors about me. Helping my brother ride his first motorcycle in ages. I still feel it was my fault for teaching him how to ride again led to his death. That choice we made still weighs heavy on my head. I know it wasn't me, but by giving him that choice i led to great heartache for my family. I still remember me and him riding along highway 46 going to Reedley. The fighting with my brothers, the words that came out against my Mother and Father. These mistakes have molded me into things I don't want to be, so by learning from them I changed into a different Man. My brothers death hurt everyone and destroyed many of us that took many years to repair. I still have one brother that is lost and I pray that one day he will find his way back, Another brother that is trying to do what he needs too to keep his little family going. My sisters are doing that as well. I love them all and have done them wrong in ways that they still have issues with me. Those things will one day work out, so until then I love you and Miss you all

       My good choices I have made?

               good choice? My wife was a great choice, My kids, My friends and My faith in the Lord. When I choose to follow christ in all things. I have made a choice. Many people do not understand the struggle I had with this. In Utah many Member go through the motions their whole life. never giving their soul to Christ. Now remember I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Now many people do not think we are christian. We are, we love him. We celebrate his life here on earth and the one he is still leading to us. Jesus Christ is our Corner stone of our Faith. You have the right to believe what you want and so do I? Don't I have the same rights as others? I am told I must accept everything that is against my belief, But you can not let me have my belief. If you think it is wrong that is okay. Let me believe in what I do.

My wife is my cornerstone of our family. She is a great woman that has her struggles but manages to get me to my appointments and take my meds. still takes care of the house and still takes care of me as I lay in bed with pain. My kids too. 

       My Eternal Family?

              My Family Consists of Me, My wife, My four children. They are everything. If anything happens to them I have no problem going to jail for my actions. I will do everything in my power to take care of their needs. I do my best in my current condition. There are days I cannot get out of bed. My kids have accepted my condition. They help me and count till I can play with them, small things. These kids are meant for greatness and I will help them in every way I can achieve those goals.

       My Friends?

             Read my last blog and you will see how they have shaped me into me.

       My Code?

             What code do I live by? Honesty with all man, Being honest with whomever I do things with. Now sometimes that has gotten me into trouble with people and has caused ripples. Do I regret sometimes, but I get over that pretty quick. I will cuss at you if you make me mad. You disrespect me I will no longer caring respect for you. I will help you and if you take advantage of that I will never help you again. I can be vengeful and down right and Asshole. But you can trust I will be honest. You can ask me anything you just better be prepared for the answer. Do ask a question that you don't want and answer too! I have integrity, I am Humble in myself. I am confident in all things, I believe the power of friendship is to be used only in righteous ways. I am a gamer. I believe in service, even small things get noticed. I believe in reaching my limits and pushing them until I reach a new limit. I love to game, I love my family, I love my parents, I love my friendships I have garnered here in Utah, I will like you and respect you even if you hate me because of my beliefs. These are the rambling of my mind

Thank You Mr. Cross

Sitting and planning

      I have a group of Friends that play video games, We are far more splintered in the gaming part then we are in friendship. When you are able to tell them anything and they either razz you or give you some thoughtful perspective. Now I am a Member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons). These guys are of differing beliefs and attitudes towards a belief system. I love these guys with all my heart they have become my brothers over the four years I have known them. They still play games, but they also have life going on. 

       I really enjoy my friendship with them, Sometimes they do going overboard when it becomes religious. Just because it is online doesn't mean it is true. Now I just ignore ignorance but enjoy each of them. Now I am Married and Have four wonderful kids. I have a somewhat famous friend. Now my Famous friend uses that fame to help children receive the miracle of sound. The OOHF is a great charity and helps many of children from Little towns in middle of Utah to the Far reaches of the world. I am blessed just to have him as a friend. Now he is getting married soon and I am happy for him, His brother (used to be my neighbor) works hard on the charity, being a father to four children, and making a living to supports his Family. I have a great admiration towards these to men.

       Now my work with the charity isn't much, I do have some debilitating migraines at times. I do volunteer when I can and support them with Ideas and being a friend that asks nothing in return but their friendship. They do great work! Plain and simple if you can help go to contact me.

       Now I am going to go back to my planning on my life, I endure and carry my "rocks" fairly well in this life. I have a family that helps me with my daily deals and struggles. My son carries me allot. He helps me make due and enjoy the little things I can do.

       Many that read this critiques the way I write my BLOG. I write as the voices in my head dictate. I am doing this for me and me only. It is an outlet for me, along with gaming and drawing. I do enjoy this and will keep writing.

Thank you from the bottom of my Heart

Mr. Crossrds

Been Awhile Unplugged

     It has been a while since i posted last post. Many things to talk about, We found a new house to rent, and to move into. It is an older home built in 1899 and has bricks from Spring City and Stone from Manti quarry. Same as Manti Temple. Yesterday on the 13th (one month since the Flood) we got our settlement to now start purchasing things we need to fill the house. We should have the check by Friday next week. Things will be nice when all things. 

     There is one thing I think we need vs, want and that is a 4x4 or awd drive car for Marie. I am thinking that I will need to be firm on it.

     Allot going on right now. Great exciting things 

Call Me Mr. Cross

Do you really know yourself?

       That is interesting question. Do you really have an answer? Dig deep for this one? Look at what is your normal day in day out routine? Have you met goals you set 20 years ago?

     

        What is your true answer? For me it is NO. I have not met every goal I set for myself. Many of you will look and say the circumstances changed, Agreed. you are a different person now then 20 years ago. Now it is taking care of your family. Watching your kids grow and make choices that they think is new, HAHAHAHA. Now deep down am I the rebel I thought I was. Nope I am father of four children. These children are about as different you can be. My kids are my everything, The days I wake up and the pain is too bad. I get up shower and keep going because my kids might need me. On this day my Oldest needed me, she forgot something. When I was in high school I want to be a drafter/architect I did not reach that goal. I found that I was far better on my feet and working with my hands. I was great at math on the go. As I progressed through life I was always striving to be the best I can be. Now sometimes I do regret leaving a certain job or employer. I have always moved on. Now having no job the last six years because of health. I have learned about taking car of myself and my children. My dear wife, moved into the role I once Occupied and that was the Bread maker, Bringing home the bacon. 

       Now i am going to tell you I failed as a homemaker, but I have become a better father then ever before. I missed so much out on the road as a driver, But we had an understanding that was a great way to be a provider for my wife and children. I made decent money as a driver, but I worked hard for it. Being a driver is not for the faint of heart. During the first few years you are out on the road going broke. Just trying to keep your head above water. A motto for truckers is "hurry up and wait" During my time on the road it was a great economy and it was loads for all. You take and drive, You figure out trip, where to stop for your breaks and where to shower all on the go. I took that into the office for Andrus Transportation in Salt Lake City. I started there as a Local Driver working up to fourteen hours in a day. I remember most everyone I worked with. After a little bit I moved into Night Dispatch and then into Load Planner. I loved that job, but was blinded by the greenbacks. I left going to run team for another company. That didn't last long, Partner and I had different views on how to run. How to earn a living. I then left that company and moved onto Lease operator. I worked hard until I woke up with a migraine from HELL. 

        That leads me back to the point of becoming a Father. Has it been hard for my wife to be working and going to school, YES. Has it been worth it, YES. I am excited for what the future holds for us. Wife is working for a home-health company. She also takes care of me, Kids, and home duties that need to be done that I don't do. Now is our system fool-proof and easy to follow, Hell NO. We have are kids doing chores they do them every day that needs to be done. I make my kids work, I make my kids do their homework. Do they get rewarded, YES. That is my principle of parenting.

         Now many of you reading this may say " what do you to keep mind busy?" Well one thing is this Blog another I help a friend with his charity and do my best to keep that going, I will never ask him for anything in return. I love this guy just for him to understand me and see that I am useful is what I want. I just want to be treated normal. You only see me when I am feeling good. If I am not feeling well I'm in a darkroom. My kids know the signs of me not feeling well. Many people do not know what to day or do around me. Just treat me like anyone else and learn what signs I show and what they mean. I am the same as I was 20 years ago, just allot heavier and more hair on my face.

         I take pride that I am a father, my kids will know how to treat each other outside of the home. I may not be able to do what I use to do, but I am still me. Partying like an Osmond.

Thank you For reading

Mr. Crossrds

Happy Labor Day

    It is weird to have labor day on the 2nd of September. Many friends and family will be firing up the Ol' BBQ celebrating a day off of the labors of life. We will celebrate just by hanging out with each other and watching Movie channels and such. September is going to be a great month. My friend is getting married to his best friend. He has waited a long time for this and I am happy for him. September is a month where i get to relax and gather my thoughts and reline myself with goals for my health, Family and gaming life. 

    I get it I game on the PS3 and soon PS4 and PS Vita. I game to get away from reality and my chronic pain. I love to game with my friends, I have met some of the greatest guy in my online interactions. I play Battlefield 3, and Need for Speed: Most Wanted. I plan to expand my gaming into the next generation of Consoles. PlayStation 4 and Xbox One are the choices that we will have in November. I am excited for this. The consoles will be far closer to PCs then ever before. Now i am leaning towards the Sony PlayStation 4. It will be running a AMD APU which is very similar to how a laptop runs by combining a CPU and GPU into one chip. So excited for the console.

    Now i am moving onto the games. We will be getting Battlefield 4, Killzone: Shadow Fall, Assassins Creed 4: Black Flag, COD: ghost, Tom Clancy's: The Division, Drive Club, Watch Dogs. These games are on my radar. And I am having a feeling with the coding needed for consoles will make it easier to program games, which in turn will get games faster and better. Now only a few will be early adopters of the new console. Many will wait until bugs are fixed and a newer (slim) version comes out, About 2 years or so.

    I am not waiting. Soon I will have my vita back and PS3 hooked backed up to the TV (if it works). Some people might think that a 38 yr old playing video games is ridiculous, but it is my Passion I have. Nothing wrong with it. As long as I do not let it take over my life. Sometimes I have to admit that it has taken over my life, but I try my best.

Enjoy Your Labor day

Mr. Crossrds

 

You Shall be my...............

        Have you ever seen a movie that made you laugh so hard you cried? Any movie I watch with my kids around me makes me choked up. My children are pure angels, We fight with them, But they know How to respect other people's property. We have been in a hotel for about 2 weeks. Recently the girls helped clean the room with the housekeeping staff. They enjoyed it it was a great experience for them. Even though we are in a hotel doesn't mean my kids will not take pride in how they live.
        We have rented a places for about 14 years or so from different Landlords. Marie and I have a passion to find a place. We will be looking for a place in about a year that will give us time to save for a down and find the right place to live. I have always taken pride to make the place we live in our own. I spent two and half years taking care of a place where neighbors were glad to have next to them, as it was not taken care of by previous tenets. Our landlady there was a great lady that spent many days crying in our arms over her children bickering and taking advantage of her. When she passed her kids took over while they figure out who owned the home. About the time the Flood happened they had figured out things and we made a decision to leave the situation. We drove by the place and it was un-kept and un-mowed.
        That is our past and a new place is our future. I am just hoping we can move in fast versus staying into the hotel till end of the month. We might have to and we are prepared to do so. The family is stepping on each toes but we are managing how to work through it. the kids have been allot better here then at home, Of course they have very few toys to play with. We have been blessed thou this time consuming process. Just hope we can get a fair offer to help us get back to normal.

       We will get back to normal. I know what we went through was traumatic to the Girls, as sometimes running will get them jumping. Hoping in a few days P-girl will have a great birthday even if we are in a hotel. she is growing up big.

Thank You,

MR. Crossrds