I am white and Have Rhythm

I am white and Have Rhythm

Now that alone should make for an interesting topic to share. I love music, All kinds from Snoop Dog to Merrill Osmond, From Show tunes To Speed metal. I feel the deep bass in my bones. I do not have a problem crying when a song connects on a deep level. I once wrote the reason I am called Crossrds. It is a PlayStation Network gamer tag. It also is in reference to a song that was released soon around the time of my brothers death. Now I have written of this life changing event. I have spent many years hiding from what I have become I am now the oldest son in our mortal lives. I never asked for that I always enjoyed being unnoticed and skating under the radar. I know no one asked me to replace my brother and it took many years of thinking I was in his shadow and should live as he lived. I found out that is made my mind in turmoil when I would feel I wasn't living up to that expectation. I found out one thing I AM GRADY LUNDEEN AND I ONLY NEED TO BE THE MAN I AM. That is what I found out. I am me and only me can bring joy to my life. So I am working on me. I never cared about rumors about me. I just let them slide, as I have grown up things start to hurt, like when people whisper things like " he doesn't look sick" "He is just lazy" or when someone attacks my religion or church. I AM MORMON. get over it, if you don't like it oh well move on, I have. 

I do not care of offending people. I am me, the Lord has given me my trails and from those I have become who I am. I have a heart and willing to serve everyone. I will respect you if you respect me. So how do I have Rhythm. Rhythm is all things as is love.

thanks for reading 

Mr. Crossrds

MIsconception

Understanding Misconception

When you read the title what did you think? Maybe the common Mormon one, That we have a plethora of wives? Well it isn't even along those lines. Today I am writing about the common misconception of people on assistance and disabled.  I am both and by looking at me you can not tell. By the time I am well enough to go out in public I had rested for days to get to that point.

About 5 Years ago my wife and I made a decision, That she would go to school and get a degree that will provide for us a good comfortable life. She went back to school starting from scratch, She decided on a career that will do that, A Nurse. Plain and simple we would need government so we applied for Food stamps and medicaid. Those were the only ones we felt we would need. The rest assistance would come from our church and family. That is all the assistance we have been on since I have got sick.

Now the misconception is that "if you are on assistance you are LAZY" I am not, I started to work when I was old enough to hold a broom. I worked as much as I could. whether going to school and working. I did not ask for the health problems I have, nor do I wish them on anyone. This is my rocks to bear with the Lord Jesus Christ helping me. Our little family is almost done with our plan. My wife is almost done with school, May 2015 she will be done and ready to enter the workforce. 

We will be off of assistance. So next time you want to post a remark about someone on assistance think about what you are doing. The people that get the most news are those abusing the system, But not everyone is that way.
So before you post please think. I am not the only one going through this, my sister and her husband are just starting to begin their journey. There is always hope as to return to the workforce, but when you need the help it is there. I love you sister. Please keep your heart to the glory of God and you will be able to hold your head high. Love you
Thank you for reading
Mr. Crossrds

This is How WE do it!

This is How WE do it!

           Do you remember the song from 1996? Let's see I was in Sheridan Wyoming and Detroit Lakes Minnesota serving my mission. So I missed a lot of the music during that time. I served with vigor until November 4th. That day I fell apart. I suffered through things and did not want to serve. I was being obedient to the mission president. I stayed, but it was destructive to myself. I destroyed my spirituality in a matter of 2 months. I returned home on Jan. 14th 1997 I was not in the right place I wanted to hide. Everywhere I looked I saw all my mistakes I have made. I saw a brother I could never hold. I saw parents that couldn't look at me. I left a month later to Utah. I wanted to fill a hole in my heart. I tried to find that with an eternal companion. I struggled to even go to church. I was still angry! 

          

            In 1998 I met my wife. By then my heart had softened enough to love. I still had a dark hole. I still felt as an outsider. We moved to California, in 2000 with a newborn in tow. I felt comfortable, loved it, but my wife was miserable. She could not get used to the heat or living in California. So soon after my Grandmother passed (brought up everything I was hiding). We moved to West Jordan, Utah. There my wife was happy, but I was still searching. I could not find an anchor there, I had no "blood" family there. We lived for a bit with in-laws and then moved to an apartment we could afford in Downtown SLC. Shortly after that I was laid-off. I found a new job in Cedar City, Utah. It was a forklift job I was great at it, but didn't last long. I even work the graveyard shift at a gas station, Crap job by every means. Then I met a man that wold change my life. He took me out in his rig and taught me how to drive the "large Cars'. In 2004 I got my CDL I could drive the rigs. Shortly after we moved to SLC area again, it was closer to terminal so I could see my family more and more. 

          So a little history to come to this point. I have filled my hole. I have found that my hole was nothing more then not listening to my Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ. I reaffirm to you as you read this my love in Christ. 

Thank you for reading 

Mr. Crossrds

Visiting a Grave!

Visiting a Graveside.

      A week ago I went and visited my brothers graveside. Now the last time I visited it was in 2006 or so. I have always been angry with him dieing. I was even anger the morning as I got ready to head down to Rose Hills. I was going through my head of the plans we have made to do after I returned my mission. I was really upset! We had plans to do trips on motorcycles and to attend LDS temples. I never understood why I was not able to return home for his funeral. I was in Detroit Lakes MN. When I received the phone call from my mother on the morn of November 4th 1996. I do not remember much for about a year, I have either blocked it out or just do not care to bring it up. I returned home on January 14th 1997. I was lost, I was confused, I was angry. More and more I was angry. I did okay until I had time to think of all the things that could have been? By doing that it I made myself Angrier and angrier. I was not in a healthy frame of mind in my head, It was hugely dark place in my mind. 

      I knelt on my knees and prayed to my Brother Greg. I asked for his forgiveness and for him to help me find a new direction in my life. You see at my last Doctors appointment it came to light that I will only expect 50% improvement in the regularity I get migraines. It is a Far better improvement, but still makes it tough to hold down a gainfully employment. So that was a kick in the stomach. I will spend the next chapter in my life becoming a scholar in religious studies to hopefully fight the anti-christian movement currently encompassing the world. I know my brother lives and I will meet him and my sister once again. I knew them in the pre-life and I will know them in the next life. I know the Joseph Smith was called by God and Jesus Christ, to restore the gospel to its glory of this day. I know that Christ once and still leads his church. He was resurrected and lived once again. He is my savior, my brother and he will rise once again. I know that a modern day prophet is on this earth today. He leads with guidance from our Lord and His Father.

    I appreciate all those that read this. I do not expect you to have the same beliefs of me, but I do expect you to respect me enough to let me have my beliefs even if you do not agree.

Thank you For reading 

Mr. Crossrds.